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"Some Conclusions I Have Drawn from Reading Fanfiction"
by dukebrymin
*Used with permission from DukeBrymin


Updated: March 18, 2013

1) Any time a summary says "better than it sounds!", it isn't.

2) Any time a summary says "first fic, please be gentle!", it's because the writer, deep inside, knows it's not very good.

3) Any summary starting with "What if. . ." describes a story that is mediocre at best.

4) Any author that posts a new chapter that consists of an apology that a new chapter isn't ready yet, deserves to be flogged with a wet noodle.

5) Any author that promises to never abandon a(ny) story, and then does, should be covered in honey and feathers.

6) Any author that feels the need to label a flashback as FLASHBACK, desperately needs to work on their writing skills. If it's not obvious, then there's a problem.

7) Any author that feels the need to insert author's notes in the middle of their chapter to explain or excuse things, should have to wear a sign saying "Look at me! I want to be an author when I grow up!" because they obviously crave attention.

8) If the author can't be bothered to spell-check the summary, then the story will be so filled with bad spelling, grammar, and punctuation that you'll want to stab yourself in the eyes with a sharpened pencil. Especially when they misspell a character's name continually.

9) Authors who feel the need to "update" their fandom by using netspeak (e.g. LOL, N-E-Way) and its ilk have completely missed the feel and characterization of the characters.

10) Authors who can't even capitalize the name of their story correctly have a better-than-average chance of writing just as poorly.

11) "Free verse" translates as "I can't be bothered to use proper grammar and punctuation."

12) Authors who beg for reviews but never bother responding to them probably don't worry about other things like plot holes.

13) All general statements have exceptions.

"Additional Conclusions"
Compiled by me (lord_spyridon )*I had to add my own as I think there were definitely more.

14) When authors state a pairing then switch pairings to the author's OTP right in the middle of the story indicate that the author is uncaring of the time and effort readers put into searching for a given pairing.
~ lord_spyridon

15) Having a lead character suffer through one or more horrible physical traumas for no good reason is pointless. Whumping just for the sake of whumping. Such authors should be sent back to school to learn the meaning of the word 'plot'.
~ Maureen Thayer

16) Not doing any research at all on a subject (ex. real-life medical diseases, canon plot details, real life information on countries, etc) shows that the author is either too lazy or didn't think it would matter.
~ Maureen Thayer

17) Characters that are so out of character with no really plausible explanation (ex. torture, betrayal, etc) to account for the dynamic shift that you have to wonder if the author watched the same TV show/movie/play or read the same book/comic/manga you did.
~ Maureen Thayer

18) Mary Sues, especially those that are so blatantly Mary Sues that you can tell just from the summary.
~ Maureen Thayer

19) So-called chapters that are around the length of a drabbles and are not stated to be drabbles.
~ Maureen Thayer

20) When authors add really long story/author notes at the bottom of the chapters and leave them there, screwing the word count. Especially when they answer every single review at the end of the chapter instead of using the review reply system, (especially on ff.net) and even more so when the chapter itself is about 1000 words long and the AN is 400 words.
~ lord_spyridon

21) When people abuse the profile page (especially on ff.net) by adding spam, such as poems (ex. regarding homosexuality, school violence, etc), 'if this describes you, repost this in your profile'. and other such things. Profiles are for short basic summaries about yourself as an author/reader, news on your stories, and anything else of great importance to your writing (ex. real life issues and hiatus news)
~ lord_spyridon

22) Authors who spend inordinate amounts of time detailing things that have no bearing on the plot (verbose descriptions of a house that we never see again, extensive listings of inheritances that play no part in the plot) are either: A) trying to inflate their word-count for NaNoWriMo, B) way too enamored of their perfect descriptions, or C) trying to cover up a lack of plot.
~ dukebrymin

23) When authors excessively bash a character just for the sake of it and it doesn't even serve a purpose for the story. Bashing just for the bashing just shows how immature you really are.
~ lord_spyridon

24) Adding different plot scenes and/or original characters that doesn't change the canon timeline. What's the point if you're just going to rehash the entire canon movie/book/comic/manga/etc?
~ lord_spyridon

25) If the story isn't finished, and the author has decided to go back and edit the previous chapters, it's almost a sure bet that the story will never get finished.
~ dukebrymin

26) If the author feels the need to specify that the character (or any other male character) did something in a "manly way", e.g. "He gave *insert name of another male character* a manly hug", or "He said 'I love you guys' in a manly way," then the author isn't very sure of their characters. It's as if they're afraid said character might stand up in the middle of their story and announce his (apparently latent) homosexual tendencies.
~ dukebrymin

27) Whenever the writer calls the canon characters "their characters", chances are the characters aren't going to be in character and may very well have other problems resembling the character, issues that include changes to the hair or eye color.
~ yemi_hikari

28) When ever the writer talks about how this is their version you can expect one of two things to occur: A) The writer's version is just their blatant wish fulfillment; B) The writer is going to be lifting huge chunks of the original the original material; C)  A and B happens.
~ yemi_hikari

29) Whenever the writer warns about the reader feeling dejavu, expect the writer to have copied large chunks from the original material rather then coming up with their own story.
~ yemi_hikari

30) When a writer has OOC warnings they are either A) very nervous about their writing and not sure about their grasp of the characters or B) they know full well that they are going to be butchering the characters.
~ yemi_hikari

31) When a writer says "don't like, don't read", they really mean "I don't want to hear anything negative about my story".
~ yemi_hikari

32) ?



If you have any more pet peeves regarding fanfiction, feel free to add your own in comments. I would like to know what you think.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
yemi_hikari
Mar. 19th, 2013 02:37 am (UTC)
- Whenever the writer calls the canon characters "their characters", chances are the characters aren't going to be in character and may very well have other problems resembling the character, issues that include changes to the hair or eye color.

- When ever the writer talks about how this is their version you can expect one of two things to occur. 1.) The writer's version is just their blatant wish fulfillment. 2. The writer is going to be lifting huge chunks of the original the original material. (Or both...)

- When ever the writer warns about the writer feeling dejavu, except the writer to have copied large chunks from the original material rather then coming up with their own story.

- When a writer has OoC warnings they are either 1.) very nervous about their writing and not sure about their grasp of the characters 2.) or they know full well that they are going to be butchering the characters.

- When a writer says, "don't like, don't read" they really mean "I don't want to hear anything negative about my story". (Not to be confused with, "If you don't like slash, please don't read.)
lord_spyridon
Mar. 19th, 2013 03:23 am (UTC)
Your conclusions have been added. I didn't even think about the last one since I automatically skip and go to the next one.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )